https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/23354198

Louann Brizendine, M.D., is an American scientist, a neuropsychiatrist who is both a researcher and a clinician and professor at the University of California, San Francisco. She is the author of two books: The Female Brain, and The Male Brain.

TOPICS DISCUSSED:

• The meaning behind Louann’s new book’s title, The Upgrade.
• Why Louann wants to rebrand the word Menopause.
• The difference between the “transition” which lasts 2-14 years and the “upgrade” which can last the remainder of a woman’s life.
• Over their lifetime, about 80 percent of black women and 70 percent of white women will develop fibroids.
• In the female brain, the course corrections come rapid-fire, every day for a duration of around thirty-five years, and the waves cause just enough suffering to allow us to connect with our best selves.
• Dealing with monthly hormonal waves, our brains become strong.
• When we are not driven by our fertility we have more clarity and new sense of purpose.
• The latest research on hormone therapy and how the birth control pill is affecting women over 60.
• All areas of the brain have estrogen receptors.
• Our hub of emotion and memory—the hippocampus—is larger in women. So is the insula, the center that processes gut feelings, and the anterior cingulate cortex, the worry center.*
• How to get off of the “hamster wheel of worry.”
• Self-doubt is part of being human, but it’s often out of balance in women. We are always comparing ourselves in some way and the reframing we can do to push through.
• Your body stores trauma and memory, how can you transform what it remembers in the brain?
• The younger female brain diverts the impulse to stand up for herself and for the
  values she holds dear, biologically trying to impose silence. But during the
  upgrade, the force of the impulse to speak out will feel like driving a Maserati
  for the first time.
• How many generations will it take to rewire our biological drives?
• Why you need to reinforce positivity daily.
• Visibility is wholeness.
• The more we know the more we ask for.
• Every human starts as a female.
• Louann’s research at the Women’s Mood and Hormone Clinic.
• Inspirational leadership and leading others to your vision.
• Women have more empathy circuits allowing for other skillsets in a leadership position.
  There isn’t a single society in the world that has a majority of female leadership. If you break down leadership by the percentage of women holding the highest political offices and executive positions and try to find a society that has pay parity over the life of a career in which women have equal access by most measures to education and capital for success, there isn’t a single country that comes close to a 50 50 power share.
• In 1993, Congress wrote the NIH inclusion policy into Federal law through a section in the NIH Revitalization Act of 1993 (Public Law 103-43) titled Women and Minorities as Subjects in Clinical Research.

#LESSONUP:

(13:54) Women go through a lot of suffering that has to do with our fertility. We go through a lot to be able to have our fertility. And this is the stage where that whole system is ramping down. So the cool thing about it is on the other end you feel a little bit like Alice in the looking glass, you walk through the other side. And I wrote the book and I called it The Upgrade because I want women to know there’s a whole lot of good stuff waiting for you. On the other side of this what can seem like hell for a while. So keep the faith ladies we’re going forward to the upgrade.

(17:20) We have been on this roller coaster wave ladies since we’ve been maybe 10, 11, 12, 13. What’s been going on now what’s happening to us is when that, as that stops, it’s like we’ve been walking along a pathway down along the shore where the tide comes in and it washes connections away. And then it comes out in the builds and back every month was always building back, washing away. And then all of a sudden in the upgrade, you’re walking on a path that’s higher up the hill. That’s really stable. You’re away from that tide line. You’re not getting circuits and things washed away and built back every month. You can stand firmer and see further. It gives you more clarity. So you’re going to find that for the beginning of your second half of life, all of the stability and a feeling of solidity that you can count on how you’re gonna feel day to day and month to month comes. And wow, that is definitely an upgrade.

(19:05) It’s like those Japanese swords that they make are tested by fire. They are hardened and strengthened by incredible heat, and incredible fire. I feel like that’s what happens to us women too, as we go through all of our sufferings and stresses and whatever even tragedies are thrown at us in our lives, we become incredibly strong from those things. And we have incredible stability and things to offer. We have the vision to reach down and to give a hand to our younger sisters and pull them up.

(28:48) It’s important for us women to know that that little part of our brain exists it’s in there spinning around and that there are lots of things we can do about it. On page 201, one of the book I talk about the hamster wheel of worry. And you get into that kind of worry where you’re feeling you’re not good enough and you’re self-doubting and all this stuff. There are specific things that we need to do to work on that. Everybody has this going on no matter who you are, even the most beautiful women in the world, they have this going on all the time under the hood. So there are techniques that we can use. We need to quiet that part down so that we can use the best part of our brain.

(31:03) You have to learn to do the reframing and find the things for you and find the people in your life that help your fire of creativity and self-love grow because that is what’s going to break that hamster wheel of worry so that you can have your best life.

(36:02) Biology is destiny, unless you know what it’s doing to you.  So if you understand that this is happening under the hood for you, then you can say to yourself, okay, I make a choice. I’m not going to just keep my mouth shut, be a people pleaser. And I am going to stand for my values and speak up. Even though I know it has a cost. And I think that women feel the cost that fertility cycle in your life, you feel the cost. And the reality is, so what if it costs you something, but you also gain something on the other side. So I encourage younger women to stand firm, speak up, speak your mind. The cost is probably the cost for us is not usually as big as we fantasize that it might be. Just do it.

(42:07) And I hope you ladies can help push that agenda to flip it to both older women, being the wise women that are reaching back for their younger sisters and trying to help them, help show them the way and show them the love.

RESOURCES:

https://www.louannbrizendine.com/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4752924/

https://www.whi.org/

https://www.alz.org/blog/alz/february_2016/why_does_alzheimer_s_disease_affect_more_women_tha#:~:text=Women%20are%20disproportionately%20affected%20by,with%20Alzheimer’s%20disease%20are%20women.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6523404/

https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score

https://www.ucsf.edu/

* [1] The Female Brain xiii

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TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

•  Ronit spent her early childhood on Kibbutz Lahav in Israel.
• What set Ronit’s family up for hardship and what happened next?
• Her mother found solace in Osho and left when Ronit was five to follow him.
• Rajneesh, also known as Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, and later as Osho was an Indian mystic, some would say cult leader and founder of the Rajneesh movement.
• Being vulnerable in your relationships.
• How Ronit found the ability to forgive her mother.
• Turning pain and loss into a gift.
• How high control groups affect the relationship kids have with their parents.
• Forgiveness vs. Acceptance.
• What was the moment that Ronit started looking into what happened?
• Where is Ronit and her Mother’s relationship today?
• Reliving uncomfortable memories.
• When did Ronit’s creative writing turn into something more and was it passed down from her parents?
• How Ronit got into writing and what the most difficult part is for her?
• Writing about trauma. Does it help you heal?
• Memoir writing advice and encouragement.
• How to take up space.
• If you don’t tell your own story someone else is going to tell it for you.
• How did becoming visible with her story affect her relationships with family members?
• What didn’t make it into the book?
• Ronit’s take on women in leadership and feminine leadership.
• Why Ronit was afraid to join the single women’s sisterhood. 

#LESSONUP:

(8:35) A friend of hers that she did meet in Seattle told her about this guru who was coming out of India with dynamic meditation, which he had organized and developed and he had books and tapes. And I think my mom was really interested because she wanted to feel better. She wanted to find purpose. She was looking to transcend life and the way she felt about herself.

(11:56) Forgiveness comes up a lot in my book. The question I get a lot is how did I do that with my mom? And I would say that for me, it’s more about acceptance and understanding of what occurred and reflecting on it. And I  don’t know that forgiveness has ever come into my idea of it, although it’s very much what people want to know. It is a natural question. How do you have a relationship with her? I see my mom a couple of times a week. She lives five minutes away. She comes over on Friday nights and cooks Shabbat dinner. We’re closer now than we ever were, which is stunning, even to me. 

(13:24) I know it sounds strange to go back and tell a story of pain and loss as sort of a gift, but to be in this safer place as an adult now to be a mom, to have found my life partner, to feel like I understand so much more, it is a gift and it’s safe for me to go back and really think about what happened and what I went through. It’s almost like going back in time in a way, and like scooping up the smaller, younger me and like unpacking everything for myself so that I could understand it and really feel it. 

(29:17) It shouldn’t be a question of do you like this? Because my soul needs to do this.

(40:30) There’s a thing about forgiveness that makes me feel like, okay, you’re forgiven, stamp of approval, we’re done close the book. I don’t think it’s like that. Just like the stages of grief, they’re not actually stages. They all happen at the same time in a different order and they continue. I think with forgiveness, lI can get upset if I think about certain things in any relationship where I’ve been hurt. I can rise up and get angry again or feel less than, or feel like, wait, why did I put an end to my sadness? Why am I saying it’s okay now? Is that forgiveness? I don’t know. I think it’s like a working movement toward trying to understand. It’s like alive to me. Forgiveness makes me feel like it’s over. And it’s not. And to me, understanding compassion, acceptance, and just thinking and reflection is a moving thing. And that’s what it is for me. 

(42:25) Women have more room in their leadership to learn where maybe they could be doing better. I think that maybe because so many women have imposter syndrome, there might be this aspect of our leadership where we are open to learning better ways to do things or better ways to be heard. Whereas maybe men in leadership aren’t always, or maybe it’s harder for men when the ego gets involved. My previous self was extremely insecure and I still have sort of that child in me that doesn’t believe I’m good enough. And I don’t know how many women share that. I’m sure there are men who share it too, but I just don’t know that all women come out with their fists ready to go. 

(47:57) We’re not used to hearing these stories from women still. We’re in 2022 but we’re still not used to hearing that a woman is a whole person with a different set of objectives.

RESOURCES/FACTS:

Ronit Plank

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/201910/the-mother-wound

When you remember a past event, you’re actually remembering the last time you remembered it, not the event itself

https://torontolife.com/life/mom-welfare-dad-hippie-grandparents-two-richest-people-toronto/

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TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Dana’s inspiration for starting I Support the Girls.
• The lightbulb moment when Dana decided what to do with the bras that no longer fit her.
• How the pandemic has impacted I Support the Girls and the women they serve.
• Women and families represent the fastest growing groups of the homeless population in the United States. Approximately 34% of the homeless population are families with children.
• One of the major factors of homelessness among American women is domestic violence.
• Turning a side project into a movement.
• How Dana mobilized into a way that supported the vision of the project. 
• The hardest part of the rollout of I Support the Girls. 
• How Dana balances running the non-profit and being a CEO of another compan.
• How Dana handles the visibility she’s received as the voice for the women she’s advocating for. 
• Bringing light to invisible inequities that women deal with on a day to day basis.
• Women lead by utilizing their networks.

#LESSONUP

(6:35) I had one of those lightbulb moments half-naked in a dressing room in my local mall. And I turned to her and I said, “what could I do with my perfectly good, but no longer fitting bras.” And she looked at me and she’s said, “homeless women need bras.”  And those four words have basically changed the course of my life.

(9:32) I was so grateful to be able to rally together with so many people. Quickly within 48 hours, I realized it was so much bigger than me. I was just like one tiny little cog in the overall project.

(10:00) While I was on the phone with this particular shelter, I said “I don’t know what I don’t know. So what else do you all need?” and he said, “well, if you’re willing to bring the bras, which we really need, would you consider bringing some Oxy pads and tampons?”. And Kim, that was the first time in my life I had thought about what it must be like to be a woman experiencing month after month for five or six days on end and dealing with whether it’s cramps or excessive bleeding or any of the other symptoms that go along with the menstrual cycle and what that has to be like to have to choose between buying a box of tampons for yourself, for that July or feeding yourself a hot meal or your child a hot meal for that night. That’s a really awful decision to have to make. 

(26:50) The other thing is media started reaching out and the media was really generous and helped us elevate the needs and talk about why homeless women in particular are often forgotten. Why poverty and menstrual equity is a thing and why girls in every state are missing school every single month because they don’t have access to maxi pads when they have their period. Why correctional facilities, jails, and prisons are withholding maxi pads and tampons from their inmates. These are human rights needs. And so that afforded us to have these conversations that I feel are our society was ready to really explode. And that’s where places like Laura and Jennifer at Period Equity really also just exploded on the scene because there are so many different conversations here that had to happen. 

(29:27) The tampons and pads were almost up to the ceiling and bras were like coming off the bed, you couldn’t even see there was a bed. So my whole family got involved and friends got involved who had all of these different skill sets from business strategy to nonprofit management, nonprofit development, fundraising, marketing, public relations, and organization development. And I think that’s what it comes down to is I was really lucky and I’m very fortunate, privileged to have an incredible group of friends in my social network and people that were willing to just say, I’m here. How can I help? 

(34:30) Overall I think women’s networks are different. Women network differently. Women leaders network differently. And I think that can be both style and in function. And because of that, I think who they’re bringing to the table, who are as contributors who are forming that thought leadership collective as a team is different than how men lead. 

RESOURCES/FACTS:

https://isupportthegirls.org/

https://www.soma.com/store/page/soma+bra+donation/56709275/

https://isupportthegirls.org/programs/our-programs/

https://www.periodequity.org/

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Kristen Richardson, from a family of debutantes, chose not to debut. But as her curiosity drove her to research this enduring custom, she learned that it, and debutantes, are not as simple as they seem.

The Season shares the captivating stories of these young women, often through their words from diaries, letters, and interviews that Richardson conducted at contemporary balls. The debutantes give voice to an array of complex feelings about being put on display, about the young men they meet, and about what their future in society or as wives might be.

Kristen was born in London, England, and lives with her son in Brooklyn, New York.

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TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Kristen’s upbringing and why she chose not to debut and her family’s influence on this decision.
• Why Kristen decided to research debutante and these coming of age rituals and what she quickly discovered.
• The politics behind the debutante balls and the form of power it did give some women.
• The journals Kristen came across in her research of the debutante records and how she got access to them.
• The differences between the black and white debutante balls.
• Why are parts of women’s history not recorded?
• The debutantes in her book give voice to an array of complex feelings about being put on display.
• The secrecy component of the debuts.
• Why some women debut from a visibility standpoint for their own personal brand.
• Why debutante ritual works so well in authoritarian societies.
• What can be other girls’ rights of passage rituals?
• The investigative quality of Kristen’s work sheds light on the darker sides of this tradition.
• How did Kristen respond to the heightened visibility after her book went public and the haters.
• The Season is a Smithsonian Best History Book of 2019.
•  Feminine leadership is feminist leadership.

#LESSONUP

(7:38) One of the things that I quickly learned when I started to research is that no one had ever pinpointed why this happens and how it evolved. It’s the kind of thing where it’s like entering a story in the middle where everyone’s doing it, it’s going and yet no one knows why they’re doing it except that the previous generation had done it.

(12:57) When I think of women’s power a lot of times we were not permitted to have traditional power, right? So there were avenues for women to have a softer power or a power in a sphere. And this would’ve been that sphere. But it was very important because they’re presiding over marriages and they’re presiding over what society looks like and who’s allowed in it. And of course the ramifications of that for politics are huge. So it was definitely very political and the women knew that and they wielded that power.

(23:05) I think this is something that people talked about. One of the attractions of the debut is that it does mark the passage of time and it does mark the sort of liminal space between childhood and adulthood that we don’t sufficiently honor and that’s something that I thought was really interesting. But what I also wondered about was, well, there are none of these rituals for men, right? So that’s how you get a clue into is this the patriarchy or is this not the patriarchy? There’s no debut for men.

(24:05) We have lost ritual in a secular sense and I think it is problematic and I think people would really enjoy some kind of passage of time or marker of the passage of time that’s relevant to them.

(34:14) Even though I have a lot of compassion for the experiences of a lot of the women in that system that does not negate the fact that they were themselves in many ways, violent. They were violent towards women who had less than them. If they were white they were violent towards women who were not white. The structure is one of patriarchy. It is one of violence. My goal was not to make it seem elegant and fabulous. My goal was to show how elegant and fabulous things can be destructive agents of culture and pit women against each other to the advantage of men. One of the main aims of the book was to convince all women that this is their history too. It’s not just rich women. It’s not just white women, it’s all women. It made an impact on all women. 

(31:50) I’m a rich white lady from a supportive family so I don’t really feel like there’s much risk for me in this at all. I feel like that’s kind of the bare minimum of what I can give. So if someone like me isn’t gonna take risks, then  I could not look at myself in the mirror. My goal for this book was to show people their history and try to make it better. If we know how divisive this thing has been and how these sort of elegant events can cover over the way the patriarchy functions, then maybe we have more weapons in our arsenal to stop this. 

(41:40) I don’t have a problem with the idea of feminine leadership as long as everyone’s in the room and taking care of one another and supporting one another, then feminine leadership comes from ideally comes from a place of having an understanding of one’s history.

(43:50) We are good leaders because of having seen the alternative. Of having worked really hard to get to a certain place and then being cut down or just being ignored and seeing man after man climb a ladder and you’re just like, what is happening? Anyone in any kind of marginalized position is going to have greater knowledge of what it’s like to experience being stepped on or ignored or any of that. So the more you are aware of those things, I think the better leader you are and I think women are better at seeing when those kinds of things are happening and addressing them.

RESOURCES/FACTS:

https://www.kristenrichardson.com/

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1990-09-12-vw-363-story.html

https://www.condenast.com/news/tatler-russia-debutantes-ball-2021

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Show music: Get over it by Iightboys Side road by Jenny Penkin

Katie came to New York for a New Year’s Eve party and never left. As Co-Founder/Co-CCO of Fancy LLC, she sees inspiration around every corner. She loves the excitement born out of big ideas and brings that enthusiasm to every account. In 2011, she co-founded the 100% women-owned, operated, and focused advertising agency, Fancy. With a mission to elevate what’s important to women, Fancy breaks taboos around aging, pleasure, sexual health, bodily functions, mental health, even finance and moves the cultural needle forward with every assignment. Highlights include everything from celebrating the many enviable aspects of aging for the first campaign for Hair Biology, to traveling to Haiti with 6 women to shoot a video about childbirth in the poorest country in the western hemisphere, to normalizing the conversation around women and sex toys for adult retail chain Lion’s Den.

Prior to founding Fancy, Katie worked her way in, up, and around the big-name, blue-chip agency world: Saatchi, Publicis, JWT, Grey, Wells Rich Greene, and even a stint on the client-side at Clinique. Campaigns for Olay, Tide, Garnier, Delta Air Lines, Pantene, Clairol and more all bear her hallmark copywriting style of thoughtful words delivered with a wink.

 Katie received a BA in Psychology from Kenyon College, and a copywriting degree from Portfolio Center. She continues to be fascinated by what makes people tick, especially her husband and two teenagers in NYC.

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TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Katie’s journey to forming Fancy.
• At the time Katie got into advertising, only 3% of Creative Directors were women.
• Why Katie decided to quit her well-paying agency job to gain more control over her career.
• The hardest thing about starting your own agency, according to Katie.
• Why women are faced with “aging out” of their careers as they get older.
• Is the female competition still a thing?
• The article Katie wrote about women over 40 that went viral, and the response it received.
• How women can harness their purchasing power to affect the kind of change that they want to see in the world.
• 80% of women make the household purchasing decisions.
• Women’s resistance when talking about money and finances.
• How do you encourage brands to take the leap and have a conversation with women in a more inclusive way?

#LESSONUP

(2:35) I am one of the few people who ended up in the creative department of an ad agency because I wanted to be there. So lots of people just end up there because it’s a way to pay bills while you’re trying to write the great American novel, or you want to be a painter, you also need to eat. And so you’re an art director, something like that. But I, from a young age really knew even before I knew that the job was called copywriter or anything like that, I knew I wanted to be in an environment where I was getting paid to make ideas, to think up stuff, to approach the assignment from a different direction.

(4:30) Just about the same time that the 3% conference at 3% movement really, as it’s become, came out and said that  . And I couldn’t believe it. I was just sort of gobsmacked at that statistic. And I had a good friend who had been one of my art director partners in the past at a couple of different jobs. And she and I were talking about it. And so we had always talked about, oh, if we had an agency, we do things differently. If we were in charge, things would be so much better. And because we were both the breadwinners for our families, we couldn’t just quit and start an agency. But when we saw this statistic that really made us feel like, wow, maybe we really should.

(12:11) The thing is that I’ve really learned, even though there are a million hard things about starting an agency is that other people want you to succeed. And I think that is one of the things that was surprising to me. I think a lot of women will be surprised by that because there’s that competitive thread in our culture, definitely in the masculine paradigm, but also that women are catty and they don’t want you to succeed and everybody wants you to fail.

(16:40) My agency has been really interested in women over 40 in terms of both the way they’re been portrayed in advertising, as well as their inclusion within advertising agencies. Sometimes I think it takes one to know one. It’s no secret. And we did this big survey among women over 40 asking them what they thought about advertising and marketing and how they felt they were portrayed and stuff like that. And the overwhelming majority were really irate that they were left out of the conversation that they weren’t targeted, that they felt they didn’t matter, that they were kicked aside for the next new shiny model. We’ve been interested in that for a long time. And I had been writing about it for a long time. And I came across this statistic. That is the one you quoted that one out of every four Americans is a woman over 40. And I was blown away by that fact. And obviously it’s not one out of four are exactly 40 it goes up until a hundred plus, but that’s still a huge amount of women that have people 25% of the country, 83 million people that feel ignored and not welcome in a conversation. And just purely as a business target or we think for our brands that we work with, that’s a lot of potential customers. That’s a lot of money you’re leaving on the table by not communicating with them. Like what do we have to do to make you realize that this group is valuable?

(16:40) Another trend that we’re seeing in women is that they also stand to inherit several trillion dollars of the world’s wealth. I think it’s a real opportunity for women themselves to start to stand up and demand and move culture when they move dollars. I also don’t think we have to make it necessarily only their responsibility to make things better of course. But I do think that it’s a pretty great opportunity to be able to say, Nope, I’m not giving my money to you brand because I don’t feel like you’re helping me or you charity. That’s not going down the road that I think you should, in terms of helping women in a positive way, or you, somebody else, you really using those dollars to affect the kind of change that they want to and not about where, just about where not to spend them, but where can we help elevate women in a more substantial way? Like how can be as women be buying other women-owned products and things from other women-owned businesses? How can we support retailers that have programs that promote women-owned products and women-owned businesses? How can regular just like an average woman make a big difference? And it’s often with the way she spends her money. She controls 80% of spent household spending decisions. 

(20:58) I’m really passionate about women and finance because I really do think that we’re not going to be able to really be equal and gain the kind of seats at the table and the decision-making equality that we deserve until we have financial equality and I don’t think we’re going to have that until we can really talk about it with each other in a very open way.

(23:40) I think there is, I don’t know if that’s always the way everybody would, would label that type of leadership, but I do think that women lead differently. I feel like that’s probably been fairly well-documented. I don’t think that they often have the opportunities to lead, to exercise their feminine leadership that others that men might have. I think that it’s changed over time too, because 30 years ago when there were only a couple of spots for women at the top if you were one of those lucky women, you were going to do what you had to hold on to that spot and to be one of the guys and emulate what you saw around you. One of the things that’s so nice about what’s happening now, especially with all the startups that are being started by women, is that there are a lot of examples now out in the world for women to look at, to see how to lead. So I Women are, are encouraging to other women to say, here’s what worked for me. There’s so many groups and organizations where women are really happy to share their knowledge and not be competitive and, and have a rising tide lifts, all boats, attitude. It’s so it’s so refreshing and it’s really just really great to be a part of that wave.

(26:05) I do think that the conversation changes when women are in the room. And I think that it becomes better for the men too. I don’t think it’s really just about making it better for women, because it’s only going to be better for women. It will be better for everybody. If it’s important, if there is something that’s important to women, chances are it’s important to the world. I think that’s a big part of it is really having a diversified team of people that are going to be able to begin the conversations internally so that the team is prepared to have them externally..

RESOURCES/FACTS:

The 3% Movement

The CEO who gave his employees a minimum wage of $ 70,000 says his company’s revenue tripled

New Special K ad urges women to stop the ‘fat talk’

1 in 4 Americans is a woman over 40. So why do so many feel ignored?

Women and the Great Wealth Transfer

Victoria’s Secret Swaps Angels for ‘What Women Want.’ Will They Buy It?

ThirdLove

Geena Davis, The Reel Truth: Women Aren’t Seen or Heard

From Facebook to Apple: 6 Unique, Scalable Culture Traits of Top Big Tech Companies

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“Friendly-feminist “and author Erynn Brook posted a tweet about a lesson she learned from her mom. It went viral. She posted about a concept that seems simple, but in reality is very hard for most of us to do, especially women. Leave. This lesson on leaving isn’t just for women. It is for all genders. Practicing and putting up boundaries is a human right. No one should be deprived of it.

Erynn Brook studies media, people, culture, and storytelling. Sometimes she writes, sometimes she sings. Friendly feminist. ADHD brain. Witchy Cat Lady. Writing at erynnbrook.com and other places throughout the internet.

LISTEN: APPLE PODCASTS | STITCHER | SPOTIFY

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• How Erynn got into professional writing.
• The first post of Erynn’s that went viral.
• Why Erynn is a “friendly-feminist.”
• The story that prompted Erynn’s viral tweet.
• Why is it radical for women to set boundaries?
• You don’t have to tolerate another girl being mean to you.
• The social contracts women feel obligated to partake in.
• We need to give ourselves permission to leave.
• What was becoming instantly visible like for Erynn after her tweets went viral.
• Writers tap into things that are unspoken but felt, and they’re able to give a voice to those things whether it’s an emotion or a movement.
• Writing is a call to leadership.
• Does Erynn consider herself a leader?
• Leaders are coming in unexpected places and look different than they did before.

RESOURCES/ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Erynn Brook

Erynn’s Ghostbusters tweet

How Christine Blasey Ford’s Testimony Changed America

#LESSONUP:

• (5:02-5:10) It was the first time I had experienced something of that scale where the characters weren’t sexualized. And the specific moment for me was the slow-motion sequence where they were just in coveralls and there were no sexy poses or sexy hair flips.
• (7:05-8:20) I’ve been teaching for quite a long time and I teach kids and I’ve started to see a few years ago. I started to see how little people know and there’s sort of an age where that’s acceptable. And in my students, I notice it’s usually around age nine or ten is when they start to feel that it’s no longer acceptable to not know things. That’s around when they stop just blurting out questions and where I have to start digging and really checking in to see if they understand what’s going on and give them permission to ask questions. And I’ve been a feminist for as long as I can remember, but that started to translate into feminism for me when I just started to realize that there are people who just don’t know things or whose first introduction to feminism is through social media or what they hear from their parents which may or may not be accurate. And so “friendly feminist” because I’ve kind of taken on this idea that I call it, I say, “assume ignorance”, basically. So instead of assuming that reactions or questions are coming from a negative place or a trolling place, I assume that it’s a genuine question that people don’t know or that their first reaction may be based on incorrect information.
• (9:53-11:15) My mom was dropping me off, she explained to me that I can leave at any time and I could call her and she’d come pick me up and she wouldn’t be mad and I wouldn’t be in trouble. And if I’m uncomfortable for any reason, and I want to come home, I can. I can do that. And I remember there was some sort of teasing going on. I ended up going to the girl’s mom, the girl who was having the sleep over and, and telling her that I wanted to call my mom, I want to go home. Her mother sort of said, “Oh, don’t do that.” And I said, “no I want to go home. I’m done. I want to go home.” And she said, “Well, we don’t want to bother your mom. It’s late.” And I said, “my mom said she doesn’t mind. I want to go home.” So I went to call her. And I just put my foot down until she let me call my mom. And my mom showed up in her PJ’s with a coat on over her PJ’s.
• (6:55-7:20) It’s radical because we don’t have a social script for it. If something happens often enough that we have sort of go to standard responses for it, then it’s not radical. But whenever you do something that puts someone in a position where they don’t have any of those, like back pocket phrases or reactions to offer, it becomes radical. We don’t have a social script for this. It’s still not and it probably really won’t ever be socially acceptable to just pick up and leave.
• (9:26-10:32) I don’t know if we have all of the scripts in place for the fact that you don’t have to tolerate another girl being mean to you. You don’t have to slot in, you don’t have to assume the position of wingman or wing woman or whatever it is we do, but you can assert yourself and you can be properly treated.
• (26:20-26:45)I tell stories. That’s it. That’s what I do. I tell stories. I think that stories are one of the most fundamental ways that humans connect and learn and grow. So that’s, that’s what I do. I tell stories.

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Together with 5 plaintiffs and the law firm Emery Celli Brinkerhoff, Laura Strausfeld and Jennifer Weiss-Wolf filed a class-action lawsuit against the state of New York for taxing tampons. Since 2016, their organization Period Equity has helped 20 states repeal the tax. In this episode, Laura talks about the winding creative road that lead her to this fight and asks women to join together and speak up about taboo subjects that women are uniquely poised to solve.

Laura Strausfeld researched the illegality of the tampon tax years ago as a Columbia Law student. In 2016, upon reading an essay by Jennifer Weiss-Wolf in The New York Times, she reached out and proposed they mobilize legal action against New York State. Together with 5 plaintiffs and the law firm Emery Celli Brinkerhoff, they filed a class action lawsuit that resulted in immediate removal of the tax by the state. To continue their work together, they formed Period Equity.

Laura’s co-founding of the first commercial all-natural perfume company in the 1990s gave her firsthand knowledge of the lax regulation of personal care products. She has done extensive research on environmental toxins and has written and spoken publicly about menstrual product safety.

Laura has a wide-ranging project-based background, including as a plaintiffs’ attorney, founding board member of the Nest Foundation, development strategist for the Economic Hardship Reporting Project, teacher, writer/director/producer of theater and film, and Anton Chekhov scholar at Columbia University’s Harriman Institute.

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• How being a twin tied into Laura’s career steps and her mission to get women to collaborate.
• Laura’s non-toxic perfume business started as an accident and turned into a passion.
• What Laura learned about environmental risk in the perfume business and how these government regulations started her interest in manufacturing practices.
• Why creatives often become unexpected entrepreneurs and how they succeed.
• What is period equity and why does it matter?
• States collectively make over $150 million annually from taxing menstrual products.
• The tipping point that got the legislature to take action against the period tax in the NY state case in 2016.
• Women were excluded from medical research until the 1980s and early 1990s.
• We need to overcome being embarrassed about the issue of menstruation and use our voice to ask for necessities such as menstrual products.
• Scotland has made period products free.
• The goal of Period Equity and how women can get involved in their own communities.
• How litigation can alleviate menstrual inequality and fund free products for those in need.
• Whey menstrual companies aren’t doing their job when it comes to fighting for period equality.
• Why are most of the world’s billionaires male?
• Why feminine leadership often represents those who don’t have a voice.

RESOURCES/ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

periodequity.org/

https://www.taxfreeperiod.com/- Explore the interactive map and learn if your state taxes tampons.

2020 Legislative Overview

ACLU Menstrual Equality Toolkit

Menstrual Equity for all Act of 2019

Jennifer Wise Wolf- NYT

Period Poverty

Equal Protection Clause

#LESSONUP:

(4:40-6:09) I think the creative theme for me always involves collaboration starting with my twin. And so I had a partner, we started the first all-natural perfume company that was devoted to making perfumes as beautiful to put on your body as a good meal from natural ingredients. And we launched our line at Bergdorf Goodman. We sold it and Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue. It was sort of an accidental digression in my life that became a passion because I started to be able to wear fragrance and then I was carrying them around and people wanted some, and then I started selling them and with a friend, we made it a business. I got worried when I wanted to have a child about the safety of even these very natural ingredients. That experience of reading up on safety issues and the complete lack of regulation, it was stunning to me that when we got our first big order from Bergdorf Goodman, at that time we didn’t have a production facility. So we made those in our kitchen and you could put anything in a bottle and sell it to people to put on their body and into the air and the government doesn’t care.

(8:30- 9:05) I was in law school in the early 1990s. I just moved to New York and apparently I’m the only person who looks at receipts, but I probably had exact change and I bought a box of tampons and chapstick. And I just noticed that I was paying tax on the tampons, but not the chapstick. I do recall asking the clerk what’s going on? And getting the response that the chapstick had a medical use, it was exempt from tax. So I went back up to the law library and looked up the law and realized this was an unconstitutional practice. I wrote up a memo. I tried for decades to get a law firm to help me file a case. What I did notice is that New York state had begun introducing legislation to remove the tax. And I was so naive about state law that I just assumed such an obvious injustice would be rectified. It was only when my daughter started menstruating that I was like, damn it, this really has to end.

(9:29- 10:10) Jennifer Weiss Wolf published a piece back in 2016 in the New York Times. And I realized that that the Times seemed right for people to understand and rally behind taking stronger measures to get rid of the tax. So I contacted Jennifer and I said, “I have a lawsuit.” And she said, “great.” And we worked with Emery Celli law firm in New York and filed a class-action lawsuit. And almost immediately, Governor Cuomo made a statement saying we should get rid of the tax. The assembly voted within 10 days to remove it. And then the Senate followed. It was a very quick response and it really seemed to tip the balance finally to get the legislature to take action. 

(10:36-11:04) This is a classification based on sex. So the state is targeting a bodily function associated with women for less favorable treatment because they’re not taxing medical necessities for men and the American Medical Association and everybody else knows that these are medical necessities. Because of that, this is an unconstitutional violation of the equal protection clause. 

(16:00- 17:05) We are seeing government involvement on a level we have not seen. I think in our lifetimes where everybody is getting a free vaccine, we are able to send checks to people, we are able to infuse states with trillions of dollars, maybe in few states with billions of dollars. I don’t know the numbers, but this is such a drop in the bucket. And it’s so essential to creating what we call menstrual equity, where everybody has equal access to what’s available to us in society. To level the playing field, to have equity in our society, we do need to provide free products. 

(20:42- 21:44) In terms of feminine leadership, I’ve always identified as a feminist. I feel that leadership that represents people who have not historically felt they have a voice is strong leadership and the leadership that I really support and I see more and more. So companies, industries, legislators, people who are female, who are people of color, who are not cis-gender white men are very powerful leaders right now.

(23:04-24:50) There are things that are unique to women. And I think what is interesting is that if we did not have so many of us using our voice, there would be no change. And I have been in rooms of, in production, all men, and I’m the only woman. And I realized that the ideas that they have aren’t meant to not be inclusive, that’s not what they’re trying to do. They’re simply speaking to their experience. So if we don’t have women and women of color or nonbinary people or intersex or trans people in the room, then we don’t have that experience and those ideas communicated. And I too have had very powerful allies. I think there’s a belief that maybe you have to be like a Michelle Obama, or you have to be somebody who’s going to be so visible to actually make a change. But studies show that change is less viral. It’s much slower and results from tiny choices made by many ordinary women. And I think that’s powerful. And I think if the nurturing of those silent voices tends to happen more between and among women.

(25:45-26:10) What I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is women and money. And talking about women in power. But the industries where there are opportunities to make a lot of money are dominated almost exclusively by men. What’s occupied me just recently is this question of why are the billionaires male? What about opportunities like Bitcoin? Even in my own life opportunities to make a lot of money, why was I not drawn to them in ways that males have been drawn?

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In this episode, Kim Kuhteubl goes unedited to speak to you from this moment and share memories of racism, hurt and injustice. Now, more than ever, is the time to use our voices, to not give up, and to not be silent. It’s ok to feel rage right now. Rage is a teacher. Your rage is going to help you deal with what comes next. How will you speak up and use your voice for change?

Kim Kuhteubl is an award-winning producer, author, and entrepreneur. She’s produced hundreds of hours of episodic and lifestyle digital content and in 2011, founded MeByDesign.

Kim works with Creative Women Founders and Executives on becoming visible. She defines visibility as more than personal branding, business strategy and getting press—although she’s an expert in those categories. Kim defines visibility according to one of its underused definition: available.

Are you, truly available for the life you say you want to live? For the mission you know you were born to lead. You may think that seeing is believing but actually, believing is seeing. Your one best life happens from the inside out. Ready?

LISTEN: APPLE PODCASTS | STITCHER | SPOTIFY

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Kim’s story on being mixed
• What Clarissa Pinkola Estés says about rage
• Women who become socially, politically or culturally conscious find they have to deal with the collective rage that comes up and it’s psychically sound
• Companies that are culturally and socially making an impact will move us forward
• Now is the time for us to state our values, and not be silent
• Call-out culture and why we’re afraid
• You did not come here to be persecuted by people who do not see your value. And so we do not have to prove it to them
• It is not our obligation to continue to support a system that was not built with us for us, but definitely by us
• Children know that they are whole and valuable and loved
• Everyone needs you to speak your truth and lead right now

#LESSONUP

(3:06) …my visible whiteness, giving people permission to unleash their true, true thoughts. I think the thing is this we’re tired, right? I’m tired. I’m tired of playing by the rules of a system that actually wasn’t written with me in mind.

(3:25) I’m a light skinned black woman or mixed woman, depending on who is looking at me. And I’m tired of having to justify the color of my skin or what my soul, the depths of my soul knows to be true, because it has nothing to do with the color of my skin. My passing, as some people love to point out to me, does not give me a free pass on racism. If you have trouble with the color of my skin and please take it up with God. And just because you think, I look like you does not mean that. I think like you.

(4:25) So if you’re really angry right now know that your rage is a teacher, your rage is going to help you deal with what comes next. And to the people who’ve stayed silent to the people who didn’t put a blackout on their Instagram feed, who didn’t reach out to say, Hey, how are you doing who’s politics. They keep in the dark so that the rest of us don’t ever know who we’re fully dealing with. We know who you are. We know who you are in this moment.

(6:01) People who stay silent in this country are a dying breed. People who are silent are afraid, afraid they’ll lose their or their social standing. Oh, my silence is not your friend.

(6:45) Even if you’re afraid to say something because you don’t want to get it wrong. I understand that. But say something, it means so much more than your silence because your silence is killing us. I also want to say to those of you who feel less than who feel like your journey is somehow invalidated by this hatred that lives unconsciously and consciously in people who don’t deserve to be in your presence, that you, your gift, your divine nature comes from source.

(9:10) You came here to be an expression of love and joy to live in abundance. You did not come here to be persecuted by people who do not see your value. And so we do not have to prove it to them. I saw Patrisse Cullors, one of the cofounders of Black Lives Matter speak two years ago at the United States’ Women’s Conference. And she said, “let your joy be your resistance.” Your ancestors worked so hard for you to be in this moment for you to have reaped the benefits of all of the persecution and hatred and hard work that they did.

(10:15) It is time to use our voices and not give up until this kind of way of being this tolerance of ignorance and hatred. And this belief that some people would be more superior than others. When we are all in fact, creatures of the divine, no more, no more.

(11:45) Don’t hold back your rage, unleash it, unleash it on the systems and the people who support the systems that oppress us demand, accountability, demand, progress, demand improvements. It is your right.

RESOURCES/FACTS:

• Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estés.
• Patrisse Cullors
• Black Lives Matter
• Racial Gaslighting
• A list of audio, video and articles that helped inform Kim’s perspective on RACE in this moment. DOWNLOAD FREE.
• “My Daughter Reminded Me My Black Joy Is A Form Of Resistance.”

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In this moment, it can feel exhausting standing under the weight of the world and its problems. It’s going to take all hands on deck to speak the truth about what isn’t working so that we can figure out a solution together. In this episode “A Lesson On How To Change The Conversation”, author, speaker, and movement builder Alexis Jones shares her belief that audacious ideas have the ability to change the world. Her company I Am That Human works with the biggest, baddest people, brands, organizations, campaigns, and initiatives to inspire people and innovate humanity.

Alexis founded the girl empowerment organization I AM THAT GIRL, which currently has a 1.2M+ online community and a presence in 24+ countries. Alexis hosted a TV show on the Red Carpet, worked on shows at Fox Sports, ESPN, CBS, MTV, and TLC. Alexis also founded the company ProtectHer, the first ever educational program for male athletes on the importance of respecting women. Alexis founded a general purpose committee called Project 254 (named for the 254 counties in Texas) allowing her to raise money to support good humans running for office in 2020 and just started writing her new book, Joy Hunter. 

 Alexis consulted on the most successful show in the history of NETFLIX (13 Reasons Why) and executive produced A Brave Heart: The Lizzie Velasquez Story which received nine out of nine film festivals awards after its debut at SXSW. Living at the intersection of activism and entertainment, Alexis has been invited to speak at The White House, The United Nations, Harvard, Stanford,  West Point, The Naval Academy, ESPN, NIKE, Google, Facebook, Pepsi, DELL, SXSW’s Main Stage, The NFL and The Girl Scouts.  

Alexis most recently won The Jefferson Award, our country’s highest national honor for public service alongside past winners: Steve Jobs, Bill and Melinda Gates and Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg. She has been featured as Oprah’s #SuperSoul100 (along with Blake Mycowski, Deepak Chopra and Brene Brown) and AOL’s MAKERS (along with Oprah, Sheryl Sandberg, Ellen, Gloria Steinem and Serena Williams). Alexis was an Ambassador for L’oreal’s STEM initiative, DELL’s #Inspire100 List, Fast Company’s “Female Trailblazers,” ESPN’s “Pop Culture’s Top Ten,” Girl Scout’s Woman of Distinction and highlighted as one of the five most influential women in Texas as a Profiles in Power winner.

Fun facts: Alexis survived 33 days on a deserted island, has backpacked to 50+ countries, hiked 150 miles to the Basecamp of Mt. Everest, is an ordained minister and won the showcase showdown on the Price is Right.

LISTEN: APPLE PODCASTS | STITCHER | SPOTIFY

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The vision behind #IAmThatGirl and what girls wanted and needed at that time
• Building a brand when you make people a part of it
• What are her squads?
• Visibility can be a double-edged sword
• Staying authentic in who you are
• Alexis’s spiritual practices
• How to get specific about the thing that you love the most and not apologize for that
• What the E-Myth taught Alexis about shifting gears within the leadership roles and leaning into different communication styles
• The differences between feminine and masculine leadership.
• What cause is Alexis willing to be unpopular for?
• What is a “good man” and do women who are raised by them have an advantage?
• Kobe Bryant and how do women approach the conversation of forgiveness with Men
• Making the invisible bro-code system visible and rewriting the rules of it
• We need to talk to young white men about privilege
• How Alexis got involved with “13 Reasons Why”
• How movements like Black Lives Matter and #METOO are changing the cultural conversation

#LESSONUP

(5:25) And I think if you’re a true founder, you have the humility to recognize that it’s just a tapestry and everyone is a different color thread in that tapestry. And so for me, I think having the initial, the impetus and the spark for I am that girl, but truthfully, women have grabbed it and run with it and created so much of their own thing. And I think that was a big part of kind of our pillars in it were I am but one girl originally from Texas, I have a very, very specific perspective to myself. We wanted every single girl, every single woman, every single person who identifies as female, we wanted all of them to be able to feel like it was a home.

(6:55) I think visibility is definitely double-edged sword and I think learning how to manage visibility, because I think the moment as a human and I think it’s something I’ve certainly struggled with over the years. Because the expectations and quite frankly the validation that exists outside of you. I think it’s really easy to loose who you are in a world in which we are crowdsourcing confidence outside of ourselves and I think visibility offers you that temptation of saying “Oh, all of these people have all of these ideas and all of these opinions”, because that’s really what visibility is, right? It’s the mirror recognition that people now have an opinion on your life and often strangers have an opinion on their life.

(14:32) Leading with a femininity, which I think leadership requires both of it. And it’s really up to each individual. I think of what you lean into. Because I grew up with four older brothers, I grew up in a very masculine environment. I was an athlete. I worked at Fox Sports, ESPN. I’ve always been around a whole lot of men. I think that a lot of it is nature/nurture and that nurture aspect was I learned how to communicate very directly, which men predominantly communicate very directly. And I remember being 14 years old and having this kind of aha moment of that distinction when we talk about feminine, masculine energy.

(16:40) I think it takes a lot of humility back to that word of like malleability back to that word of flexibility, back to that word of almost this emotional intelligence to recognize that whoever’s before you, whether it’s a man, whether it’s a woman, regardless of how they’re dressed, regardless of how they’re coming across or what their job title is. I think so much of leadership is recognizing my only job is to take the time to learn how the human being in of me needs to be communicated to.

(19:05) We are taught so much and we can unlearn so much. And we kind of this idea within technology, like we’re always like upgrading with our technology, are we upgrading within our humanity?

(31:48) If we’re ever going to get to a place of actual change, one is addressing, acknowledging, listening to the righteous indignation and anger. There’s righteous anger that if you’re a woman in America today and you see the things that are happening, if you are a person who is looking at statistics of one in five girls will be sexually assaulted on a college campus. One in two women walk around having been sexually assaulted in our lifetime. If we don’t all have a low grade fever out of like a mild rage that exists all the time, then we’re not living and breathing. And again, that’s just with women. And so I think when we look at social change, we have to make space, which I think is very much happening in this moment right now with Black Lives Matter. We have not made space in order to hear the righteous, indignation and anger that is so tangible in real.

(35:40) We can be messy and we can be mean, and we can make mistakes. And we can have a miraculous piece of us that is like God breathed and all of it belongs. And I think the bravest, most courageous conversations that we can be having right now in the midst of #MeToo and Times Up is what does progress look like? What, what does moving forward look like? And I do think that is having really great conversations around things like forgiveness and things like rehabilitation. And how are we better educating again? How are we working with young men to help them unlearn and to stop reading off a cultural script they’ve been handed, which, this idea of toxic masculinity is, is damaging to all of us. It’s not just to women, it’s damaging, the cost is so great.

(41:25) The trendsetters and the influencers within the male space, so many athletes or who like the little boys are looking up to. And so what we found was identifying those locker rooms and creating a new, normal, a new standard, a new expectation of what it means to be, this kind of a 21st century man who like boys will be boys, as long as there are always respecting women, like kind of these new adage bro-code. Love, support, defend each other, but not at the expense of other people. Can inject into this new concept of bro-code is I’m going to hold you accountable to being a really good human. It’s kind of this evolution because there’s a lot of really good about bro-code right about that brotherhood.

(44:30) I think we don’t realize the practicality of language and the power of language when you give people the actual words. None of these young men are talking that way. So can you give them actual tools in that moment and prepare them.

RESOURCES/FACTS:

• I AM THAT GIRL
• ProtectHer
• Gina Rudan-Ted Talk
• Brené Brown
• Alexis Jones “Locker Room Ted Talk”
• The Mask You Live In
• The E-Myth, Michael Gerber
• Everything Belongs, Richard Rohr
• 13 Reasons Why

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

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This was a private message I sent to a FB acquaintance on Friday night when the riots over the death of George Floyd were beginning to escalate.

Friday, my acquaintance posted the Jimmy Kimmel commentary on the story and KC went off on a rant about how racism was an excuse, reverse racism and something else I don’t remember, because I snapped.

KC’s profile pic is a rodent of some kind but he is a white man and his comment gave courage to another one to jump in about George Floyd’s pre-existing conditions—none have been reported excepted a knee on his throat—and support for the police officer who murdered George Floyd under suspicion of forgery.

You know KC’s type. You see them in Facebook threads all of the time, playing devil’s (literally) advocate, writing shockingly cruel, racist or sexist comments in the name of “critical thinking”.

I’d watched KC do that on my acquaintance’s feed for a few years since the election. My acquaintance is someone who I cast in a project back in 2006 and we stayed in touch. I find his posts interesting, even though I don’t always agree with his position, I appreciate the different perspective.

KC had tried to attack me a couple of times and my friend always intervened. He usually goes after women, the sensitive kind, and there are a lot of women like me on my acquaintance’s feed so it was a fantastic hunting ground.

From a spiritual perspective, I used to believe it was important to allow people with wildly different beliefs into conversation and contact with me. As a leader, you have to understand all sides of the story, and although I definitely have opinions when “coach Kim” comes on the scene, I can offer unbiased solutions I didn’t even know were in me. That is until moral conduct and justice become part of the equation.

Murder is pretty cut and dry to me. Whether you’re Christian or not, thou shalt not kill sums it up. I also believe that ALL humans are the expressions of the divine and hold the SAME value by virtue of their existence.

Understanding my empathic nature, I now realize that those people who I offered the benefit of my presence weren’t there to listen, learn or change their perspectives because of me, they were there to feed off of me.

Also, and more importantly, unless I am working with you as a coach, it is not my job to teach you about your unconscious biases, about racism or how privilege has infiltrated the justice system. That is yours. Or my job to prove my worthiness to you. My creator knows. That is why I am here.

I also got that the most spiritual thing I could do would be to stop engaging with them and put focus on the people who like me were committed to doing the necessary work to bring the systems, structures and law back into harmony for all people, regardless of sex, culture or income level.

I didn’t respond to KC’s comment but I did send a note to my acquaintance because I knew that I could no longer be friends with someone who was willing to give a platform to a person who consistently tried to distract the rest of us from doing the necessary work of change, who turned a blind eye to injustice and relished in the game of inciting pain for sport.

Because in case it isn’t obvious, I don’t believe that black men in America should be tried for their suspected crimes on the sidewalks or the side of the road. No, I haven’t forgotten Ahmaud Arbery, or Trayvon Martin. No crimes were committed by those people, except being alive. Breonna Taylor’s crime was going to sleep in her home.

As a leader and a mother, sometimes it is just black and white, right and wrong and if you don’t understand that, you are not my friend.

Hah.? We went to school together which is the only reason I’ve kept him around. I just blocked him and the other idiot for their comments. Many have asked why I was still friends

#ICantBreathe